It has been a very long time since I have written here. The last few years have been up and down, or rather, down and up. My weight peaked at about 340lb, but after a few months, my weight coupled with a change in my job and life circumstances, lead to significant orthopedic issues. I was having trouble getting around and doing basic things. This was in part due to how fast and unhealthily i was gaining.

For about 3 years, all I did was eat. No exercise, very little physical activity, and no exertion. One day, while I was walking to my car, i pivoted and twisted my knee- just by walking! It got better for awhile since I was so sedentary, but once my activity level increased again due to a new job and a move, I was barely able to walk. After a visit to the orthopedist, and my inability to deal with pain with every step, i decided to make a change. I stopped sitting on my couch eating in every free minute. I changed my diet and portion size, and started to exercise. I hated every second of it, but over a year, I lost 62lb. My waist shrank by 6 inches, and my fat deflated. My muscles regrew, my knee healed, my energy was better, and my overall well-being was improved.

However, inside I was miserable. I felt misshapen, shrunken, and unattractive. My sex drive tanked, my sex life dried up, and i was unhappy. So about 6 months ago, I made a decision to re-gain, but this time do it healthier. So I started eating more, but making better food choices. Ice cream shakes and candy were out. Whole grains, lots of fruits, veggies, and brown rice were in. I did start doing half a gallon of whole milk a day (fortunately, I'm not lactose intolerant), and this really helped. Since last August, I've regained 40 of the 60 pounds I lost. And i still feel great. Yeah, my knee hurts sometimes, but I'm still at the gym and doing low-impact exercise to keep the muscles strong, and lifting weights for muscle bulk.

I went to the doctor a month ago, and had a physical. At the end of the visit, the doctor started talking to me about weight-loss surgery, saying that in his experience, people as obese as I am cannot lose weight on their own. I didn't disclose the intentional nature of my morbid obesity, but did tell him that I wished to minimize the health impact of my weight, but that I was not psychologically disturbed by being fat. I could tell he was unconvinced. A week later, he called me to review my blood tests. Despite regaining 20lb since my last visit, all of my blood tests were better- cholesterol was lower, blood sugar was fine, and all the other tests were normal. Finally, he said, "Whatever you're doing, keep doing it!" He has no idea what that means.

I am back on my way to my maximum weight, and hopefully beyond. It has been interesting to hear the reactions of people who saw me lose and who are now witnessing my re-expansion. It is not always easy to hear expressions of concern or ridicule, but inside I know that means I am achieving my goals. What that goal will be, even I do not know.