Welcome to my new blog. After many years of thinking about gaining, overeating, and packing on pounds, I thought it was about time to put my thoughts down on "paper" about what it means to me to be a gainer. While these thoughts aren't necessarily original, I think having gained over 150lb gives me some credibility.

When thinking about where to start this blog, it is worth going back all the way to my childhood. I have very clear memories of being in art class in first grade with my best friend, who I guess was kind of chubby, though I didn't realize it at the time. He started talking about how he was being put on a diet, and joked that his mother said that he wasn't overweight, he was "undertall." This somehow stuck in my head, and while at 6 years old there was no sexual connection to the idea of being fat, I believe this was the first time I was conscious of my attraction to fat.

During junior high school, I began to see formerly skinny kids start to put on weight as they went through puberty. There was a cute guy who I had a crush on who became rather rotund over a year or two. In high school, there were a few guys who packed on pounds, but no one got really heavy. I spent high school trying to gain weight, and managed to put on a few pounds, but my metabolism was so fast that I only ended up gaining about 10-15 pounds. Unfortunately, my parents were very health focused, and we never had any junk food around. As a result, I would eat loaves of bread, multiple bowls of cereal, and lots of PBJ. Needless to say, it didn't do a lot, so I stopped focusing on it for awhile. I do remember spending time in the library during high school, looking at the Guinness Book of World Records and fantasizing about being big enough to qualify for it.

Once I got to college, I still fantasized about gaining, and watched my roommate gain the freshman 20. While there was no physical chemistry between us, it was rather awesome to watch. And fortunately for me, there were plenty of fratboys who spent their time drinking beer and sporting burgeoning bellies. There was a particular frat that totally focused on beer binges, and the rushees would walk around campus with their gut sticking out ever farther. It seemed as though they only took the ones who gained the most, and as they became upperclassmen, the trend continued. While I never really wanted to be in that fraternity, it did provide a lot of eye candy.

Unfortunately for my waistline, during freshman year, I managed to fall in love with my best friend, who was obsessed with thinness and fitness. As a result, I lost down to 165 pounds, and played tennis and ran. Once I realized that he wasn't into me, however, I started to overeat. I would bring a pint of ice cream with me to the library every night while studying during junior year. I managed to get up to 180lb that way, but i had no muscle mass. For the spring semester, I decided to take a weightlifting elective as a gym class, and this was my first exposure to bodybuilding and strength training. While bad shoulders limited me, I realized that getting big with muscle could be a way to indulge my fantasies in a socially acceptable way. I worked on my 6-pack abs, pecs, and lats, and ended up with a powerful physique. But always, I longed for a huge belly.